My Most Embarrassing Moment

Have you ever watched a show or movie and one of the characters does something so embarrassing you actually feel uncomfortable just sitting there on your couch? I don’t know if that happens to everyone or just people like me with social anxiety but it can really get my blood pressure to rise. Okay, well, get ready to feel that way because here is my most embarrassing moment and it will make you blush.

 

When I was about 23 I worked for a general dental office. We did a lot of fillings and crowns and some cosmetic procedures as well. The appointments were long and the doctor was a Chatty-Kathy so everything took longer than it should have. Most of our patients were middle age or older. It was a hoity-toity office, to say the least. I, the assistant, had to wear a white lab coat on top of nice slacks and a blouse with dress shoes. Scrubs and comfortable tennis shoes were strictly not allowed. They expected my hair done and my face made up. I thought it was crazy because I was just going to be splattered with aerosolized tooth decay all day but I was brand new out of school so I put up with it (for way too long.) I was the one who would go out and greet the patients in the waiting room and bring them back for their appointment. I had to smile as I said their name, shake their hand, ask them if they needed to use the bathroom before starting the appointment.

 

The doctors required that we be little robots and follow a script. We were video recorded and then required to watch our tapes and review what improvements we needed to make. Do you hate hearing your voice? Seeing yourself on tape is worse! One time I forgot to spit my gum out before greeting a patient. Oh boy, did Hell have fury that day. They even had a woman come in quarterly to tell us all the things we were doing wrong. Seriously, it was a nightmare. Needless to say, I felt very anxious going out to greet each patient. In fact, I felt moderate to severe anxiety whenever I was at work. I never knew if I was being recorded or spied on nor in what way I would be reprimanded later. This was before I was treating my anxiety and depression so it was really out of control. Regardless, this would have made anyone turn pink.

 

One morning I was going out to greet a patient who was also 23. I had met him for a few other appointments and we got along well. He was a nice guy. Because he was my age and we were ’friends’ (as much as you can be with a patient) I guess I thought it would be okay to go off script a little bit. I went out and called his name. “Cody.” We smiled, I shook his hand, as per the usual. Normally I would say “Good Morning” or “Good Afternoon” but he was he was my age so I said something a little more personable. “How’s it going?” At the same moment, he too, said “How’s it going?” I figured I would get a laugh out of him if I said, “Jinx, you owe me a Coke.” We grew up in a time where all the kids said that along with “cool” and “like.”

But my brain betrayed me.

It couldn’t decide in time if it wanted to say “Jinx, you owe me a Coke” or if it wanted to say “Jinx, you owe me a pop.” Well, for fox sake, it sent both words to my mouth at the same time. And my filter didn’t catch it. “Jinx, you owe me a c*ck.”

NO. NO. NO. Did that just happen? Did that sentence just jump out of my mouth? Maybe he didn’t hear that. No, no, he definitely heard that… I saw the look of shock. Okay, let’s go into recovery mode here. How do we fix this?  I thought to myself. “EH, HA HA. A COKE.” Jeez, why am I yelling? “I MEANT TO SAY COKE.” Seriously, stop yelling. “Great, well, let’s get started.” Yes, that’ll work. Just pretend it didn’t happen.

Lucky for me, Cody needed a lot of work done that day so I got to sit in a room with him for TWO AND A HALF HOURS after that unfortunate slip up.  Much of the time it was just the two of us in awkward, excruciating, silence.

 

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